Fluttering butterflies
Somewhat stalkish
Heart skips a beat
Sounds familiar? :)

Just a brief update.

Over the too-short two weeks of holidays, I was indulging myself in books, specifically Harry Potter. I have lost touch with the story, plus I have always loved the creation of the world with all of its originality and richness in literature. Just adding, I am currently re-reading book 5 The Order of the Phoenix. The thing about me when I read is that I tend to play out the scenes, immersing myself in the plots and the characters itself. Sometimes, I would even pretend (role-play) the characters. For instance, being Hermoine or Sirius or Harry himself. Just for fun. That's how, for me, I enjoy fiction books to the fullest. 

On a side note, I am about to begin my thesis which will take about a year. By the way, in psychology in HELP, there is a criteria to conduct a research whether individually or in groups of 2 or 3. As a student, I have to achieve a min grade for advance research and advance stats together with a GPA of 2.5 or something like that. Anyway, both are not easy subjects because the lecturer  is extremely, above and beyond good in her work; naturally, we have our work cut out in order to pass. Luckily for me, I did just that; hence, I will be doing my thesis individually. That just means that I qualify for possible better marks.

Anyhow, I had some trouble selecting my thesis topic and supervisor. I would very much like to do something on emotions but it is a tricky subject. Emotions are not easy to manipulate and there are very thin lines everywhere. So, I have sort of rule out looking into specific emotions like happiness or sadness. That being said, I have yet to research anything about specific emotions so that will be my back-up plan. Right now, I am very interested in emotional intelligence and work performance. I have to narrow down further my topic but that is the general idea. Not easy at all. 

 

Wish me luck! :)

Almost gone of the days of the free spirited

Dawn on the little, hardened by the journey 

Before and beyond

Glimpses ray of hope held upon

Just something that popped into the mind. 

Don't really know how to continue...

Rally

Yesterday was the Bersih rally. I told myself that I would not blog about the issue simply because I did not attend the rally and have no interest in doing so. However, what got me really riled up was the condemnation of the police force. I pride myself in staying objective and this is my account of the Bersih rally from my point and hopefully an objective point of view. Here goes.

1. We shall start with the Bersih commission. As per all good things, it was formed with the good interest of trying to clean up the wonderful political and election system. I agree wholeheartedly that it is time to do so. I agree that you can do the protest all you want and should. There is most likely no other better way to make your voice be heard even clearer and stronger. I mean the past years of attempt were complains by individuals and signings of pledges for a better electoral. Obviously, it did not work, so yes, the protest was necessary. What I don't agree is the memorandum of the Bersih rally. 

If you do not know what the memorandums are, then shame on you for going to the rally with no purpose in your mind. If you do, then read no 7 & 8. Common sense will tell you that those two will not be achieved. It is simply wishful thinking. There is no way to STOP corruption and STOP dirty politics simply by sitting in protest. The only way to do REDUCE and possibly in the far future STOP dirty politics and corruption is to enter the political system and physically changing it from the inside. No one said it was easy or do-able but yes, it is the only way.

2. As much as I dislike the dirty and sometimes blatant actions of corruption by the You-Know-Who, I still love my country. I am a sentimental person so I advocate to preserve the historical landmarks. (I am still pissed that they tore down the Pudu prison). I can understand why the You-Know-Who would not allow the protesters to hold the rally in Dataran Merdeka. It is, after all, where we officially achieved independence by flying our beloved flag, Jalur Gemilang. It is a significantly historical moment filled with pride and joy that still resonates in the core of being a Malaysian. How would you feel if one were to desecrate the historical moment with the mention of Bersih? I personally feel offended and disappointed that this reason was never mentioned. It has got nothing to do with the freedom of assembly or free speech. It is mainly about preserving the most emotional moment in Malaysia's history. Therefore, I believe that the You-Know-Who had every right to deny access to the place. 

3. As protesters of Bersih 3.0, you should and would have known/expected that there is a possibility of tear gas and water cannon. Based on the pictures captured, there were thousands of people who attended. I know that a riot would break out, it is merely expected from a huge swell of people. Mob mentality, they call it. You even went there PREPARED for the tear gas and water cannon. When the police force tried to disperse all of you after 4pm, they did it with the least amount of aggression. As for the isolated cases of violence, you don't know for sure what exactly happened unless you were there because well, it is called bias reporting. You affirm your point of view and discard what did not mesh with your beliefs. Besides, the police were only following orders from You-Know-Who. So, stop blaming the police officers who have a very difficult task of trying to be morally right to themselves and obeying their superiors. Do not forget that they are doing a dirty job of trying to protect the citizens (you lots) and here you are, condemning them for one bad incident and not thanking them enough for ensuring the basic safety of the society.

4. Some of the violent cases were saddening because yes, the police officers did act in severe aggression. Those policemen deserve to be punished for getting into the heat of the moment. Then again, against all of you of approximately 500 000 people with only about let's say 5000 officers, they are still human. There is always fear in numbers, so they may have been scared, fearful, emotional, angry, etc. What the police force should do now is apologize to the protesters who were hurt.

The point to be taken away from yesterday's rally is the people have spoken. Now, it's up to the You-Know-Who to act adequately. Yesterday was yesterday. Move on and maintain peace. You may be united amongst the citizens but appreciate the police forces for their efforts in trying to control the crowd. They are following orders. I am willing to put everything on the line and say that they are not happy with the current dirty situation as well but they are simply doing their job to disperse the crowd. Lay off the hurtful comments. They don't get thanked enough as it is. You don't know the whole and true story.

Post-everything

A series of assignment due dates, presentations and final exams has caused me to temporarily ditch writing. March was one crazy  maddening month. I had to complete at least three assignments and presentations for almost every week. Like I said, maddening.

One of the assignments was based on cognition and learning, in other words how the brain process information. It is very much in depth and confusing if you are not a psychology major. As per usual, the course requires a research project but it can be done in groups of 5. What was the most surprising part was that our lecturer who was a first class hons graduate from HELP and a recent graduate from UCL, (hence, very young) was very impressed with our research on types of learning and the impact on the the country's education system. More good news was received even after the semester ended but I don't want to spoil or jinx it so when the time arrives, I will share it.

On the other hand, the end of semester marked the end of Year 2 as well. This means that next semester onwards, I will be start the journey of thesis that will take a year long. I really want to do well in this and hopefully, I can. It is terrifying because it makes or breaks the degree and could potentially have the final say on the graduation class (first class, second upper and so forth). *fingers cross that it will be enough for a second upper because that is what is required for a Masters, not that I want to do but at least I have that security*

So, I am enjoying the second day of my holidays. I am trying to schedule badminton, cooking, cleaning up, early head-start research into thesis, etc all into the short two weeks of vacation. Hopefully I will not rot at home as always.

Take care and ... take care. :)

Emotional Turmoil

I think I am experiencing some emotional turmoil.
I don't know why.
I do know that it hurts.
That it is painful beyond words.
I want to be happy.
I want to smile.
I can't.
I am filled with sadness.
And now I am fighting.
To be genuinely happy again.

It happens.

Message to future self and others:

Whatever happens, happens.

There are some inevitable things that will occur in life. Life, death, success, failure, change, lost, despair, joy, fear. Only through all those, can we grow and wisen up. Through those challenges and triumphs, do we embrace every passing opportunity. It's because of that, only do we appreciate life itself.

No one is perfect. No one has a clean slate of history. Everyone has some sort of baggage that they have to carry around. Unless we take the time and understand this statement, we are almost going to constantly make assumptions and draw wrong conclusions. That is probably how misunderstandings arise and blur communications.

All I am saying is that we honestly do not know many personal issues of others. Many times, we make decisions based on the limitations presented in life. For instance, some of us have to deal with parents' rules, financial difficulties, moral judgments, etc.

Conclusion:
Don't assume before judging.
Understand before speaking.
Some problems that one goes through are graver than we can ever imagine.